Depression - How Does It Really Feel?
Recently one of our Network group, Paul O'Mahony had a post on his own blog "From Bath to Cork with Baby Grace." regarding the topic of depression. Paul is familiar with this dreaded affliction and in this instance was writing about the famous author, Marian Keyes. Marian has recently posted to her own blog her need for solitude while she battles a current bout of severe depression.
With our family having also been touched in the most cruel fashion - through the loss of my daughter, Annette - and knowing a little myself of how depression can make you feel, I sent Paul my comments and he posted this comment on his own blog.
Lesley Dewar in Perth, Western Australia, is my best friend on Twitter. . She is wonderful to keep in touch with. She knows a lot, including depression.
Here’s what she sent out today about what it was like for her, part of her experience of depression:
"What can you say to pierce this dreaded black fog, when once it descends? No words prevail. Your hugs pain me as I seek only the agony of my solitude. Leave me. Let me lie, that I might ponder why I am worthy to live. To recall my unknown and unforgiven trespasses. To hear each breath as it flows in and out my imprisoned chest. My heart cold. My sun dark. Perhaps, this time, it will not pass - and then I shall lie peacefully forever in the arms of eternal quiet and struggle no more."
I count Paul as a close friend, though we have only met through Twitter, his blog, LinkedIn and he is also a member of our network here. He lost The Beatles challenge, too!
With our family having also been touched in the most cruel fashion - through the loss of my daughter, Annette - and knowing a little myself of how depression can make you feel, I sent Paul my comments and he posted this comment on his own blog.
Lesley Dewar in Perth, Western Australia, is my best friend on Twitter. . She is wonderful to keep in touch with. She knows a lot, including depression.
Here’s what she sent out today about what it was like for her, part of her experience of depression:
"What can you say to pierce this dreaded black fog, when once it descends? No words prevail. Your hugs pain me as I seek only the agony of my solitude. Leave me. Let me lie, that I might ponder why I am worthy to live. To recall my unknown and unforgiven trespasses. To hear each breath as it flows in and out my imprisoned chest. My heart cold. My sun dark. Perhaps, this time, it will not pass - and then I shall lie peacefully forever in the arms of eternal quiet and struggle no more."
I count Paul as a close friend, though we have only met through Twitter, his blog, LinkedIn and he is also a member of our network here. He lost The Beatles challenge, too!
Add a Comment
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Comment by Lesley Dewar on August 11, 2010 at 7:29 -
What courage you and young women like Freedom have, to be able to speak out and speak up, like this. Thank you for empowering others by sharing your words. I, too, have known that black despair. To have lain by the river, curled up under a tree, and tried to vanish. What has helped me is knowing that others need me. That I have gifts of love, compassion and praise to share. See if you can find Susan Jeffers book Be Bold And Use The Power of Praise. It helped me understand how I could give support and empathy to others and strengthen myself at the same time. I am so glad that our #6100Vigil meant so much to you. Others have also said it was a healing experience. In the memory of my daughter, Annette, this is a blessing.
Keep reaching out. You are not alone. Begin to pray, although you may not feel God is listening. Angels are.
On Sunday, I had no idea of how our Vigil would look or sound. I asked and it simply came to me - I saw how it would look, how it would sound. I just had to follow the plan - and buy a few candles. :-)
Read the Desiderata. You are a beautiful soul.
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Comment by Sparkly Tiara on August 10, 2010 at 22:56 -
Inspired by @LesleyDewar's tweet tonight. My own sort of take on it, having battled it for coming up to 10 years now.
Depression- it's there. It's not there. You can be the life and soul of anything and yet dying quietly inside. Your outward life is like a mask, and yet it is also real. And meaningless at the same time. Even you don't know what is real and what isn't. You live as a shell - empty inside. Black inside, often shiny on the outside. What is pleasure? What is pain? Above all fear rules, but you push it away and pretend it isn't there.
You are alone in your head. Bad place to be. Use many things to distract you from aloneness in the head. Words, sounds, music, art - all just distractions from the nothingness inside, and yet they help. On the surface.
Doctor gives pills and sends you for counselling, but it's just as empty. Because you are empty inside. Empty and falling down, down, down. Sucked down - black swamp/pit/fog of nothingness. Why? You don't know. Best to hide. You like the rock to hide under. It's safe and secure. Stay under the rock. No one can see your blackness there, and even you can pretend it doesn't exist.
© 2013 Created by Lesley Dewar.
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